in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
