Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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