I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
