Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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