i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
