the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
