also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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