Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
