At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
