I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
