Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
