maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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