she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize