so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
