you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
