I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
