I just threw up on my dentist
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
