Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize