I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
