I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel great
I just peed on a car
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
