Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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