my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
