I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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