Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize