i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
