Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
