your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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