I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
