I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
