I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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