So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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