Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
