it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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