I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
