Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
