sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
