i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
