I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This house was built for laser tag.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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