im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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