He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize