I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
