when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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