i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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