i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
