This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
