Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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