so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
