you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
