You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
