So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I will be naked everywhere
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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