How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
