So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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