and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
