I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize