rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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