dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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