Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
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