Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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