quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize