I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
