When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
