he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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