1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
