Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
