everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
