I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize