eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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