Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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