You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
