I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
