Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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