i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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