I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
