I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
