I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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