i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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